Cucalorus & That Evening Sun

Last night I went to my first ever film festival. I will be honest when I say I didn't know what to expect because I've heard from so many people different stories about festivals such as Sundance and South by Southwest but I didn't know what this festival would be like. I was really impressed. Granted this was the first night and there is much more to see and do but I loved it. Film makers and lovers alike all joining together to share the things they are passionate about. It was my heaven.

That Evening Sun was the first movie of the festival and I was so excited to see it. Back in August I had a chance meeting with Tony Reynolds who was an Associate Producer and had a role in the movie. He had told me about the movie back then but I didn't know when I would be able to see it. Thanks to Cucalorus that happened last night. For those who haven't heard of the movie That Evening Sun is based off of the short story "I Hate to See That Evening Sun Go Down" by William Gay, who thanks to SoGoPro has become one of my favorite authors. The movie follows the journey of an 80 year old man named Abner Meecham as he leaves the nursing home he was placed in and returns to his home and farm land. Upon his return home learns that his son has rented the farm and house with the intention to sell it to a tenant farmer Lonzo Choat who on the surface is nothing more than a drunk abuser who will never get his life together enough to run the farm.

The battle that follows between Abner and Lonzo is intense and sometimes humorous with the trading of one liners that could have poured out of my grandfathers mouth. Abners only friendships come from his neighbor Thurl Chessor, Lonzo's daughter Pamela Choat and a faithful companion Nibbler. The characters in this movie popped of the screen with such an authenticity that I felt like I new all of these characters and they were hanging around my family tree and in my memories from home.

Hal Holbrook, Ray McKinnon, Mia Wasikowska, Carrie Preston, Dixie Carter, Barry Corbin, Barlow Jacobs, and Tony Reynolds all did an amazing job in this movie. I'm really shocked that the movie hasn't been picked up for distribution yet but I'm sure it is just a matter of time.

Seeing this movie only made me more excited to see the rest of the movies I have tickets for this weekend and to see Provinces of Night, William Gays novel that was made into a movie starring such greats as Kris Kristofferson, Val Kilmer, Hillary Duff, Dwight Yoakam, Hilaire Burton and Barry Corbin. If it is anything like That Evening Sun I'm sure it will blow my mind away.

Been Too Long

Well after almost 2 months I'm actually going to take the time to write some of the millions of thoughts that have been circling in my head for the last 2 months when I had time to actually sit down and think about them.

October was a crazy month. I felt like I spent more of it outside of Wilmington than I did in it. After starting the month hectic extraing and doing side projects I made a much needed trip home to see my family. I forgot how much I missed them and Arkansas until I was there. My family is the greatest support system a person could ask for. I will be grateful and spend the rest of my life trying to give back to them the support they have shown me with this crazy dream and move of mine. After several days of TONS (and I mean TONS) of food, a football game, seeing as many people as possible and some much needed time just talking to my parents I felt better than I ever have about where I'm going. That was until I got back and realized that I'm still "unemployed" and my plan has nothing set in stone which is difficult for me to deal with, but I'm learning to go with the flow and accept what life gives you as it comes.

The week that followed my weekend at home flew by filled with projects, writing, e-mailing, sending resumes, etc. It seemed like it was no time later and I was back in the air going to Orlando, FL to see my best friend Lindsay for a belated birthday celebration in Disney World. Now I've said it before but I forever be a little kid when it comes to Disney and I loved every second of the trip. Being back in a place that was home and still feels like home was great. Not to mention I got to spend a weekend without worrying about anything. I did do some soul searching and research on careers at Disney but other than that the outside world did not exist and it was amazing. Not to mention I got drunk at EPCOT, got to see Boyz II Men and got so much candy that I will be set until after the first of the year. Disney will always have a special place in my life and I'm working on going back very soon.

Since being back from Disney I have hit a couple rough patches, had a couple down days but I think those come to anyone who is struggling to attain a dream. Since then I have reaffirmed that my passion and my faith are going to get me where I need to be. I hope that it is here in Wilmington but I am starting to accept that I don't know for sure what is going to happen or when it is going to happen so my plans are officially in flux and will remain that way for a very long time.

This past weekend was my sisters birthday and I wished I could have been home with her and my family to celebrate but there will be plenty of that when I'm home for Thanksgiving in a couple weeks. However I did a surprise on her birthday, my parents had purchased tickets to see Garth Brooks in Las Vegas in February. Now I knew my dad had been talking about how he had wanted to go but I never thought that he would actually get the tickets and we would be going next year. This will be my first trip to Las Vegas and I'm so excited about it. We will be there for a weekend and I am already counting down the days and researching what sites I want to see while I'm there.

Considering I will be so close to the West Coast and LA I'm am contemplating an extension to the trip and hitting up LA to meet with a couple producers I have made contacts with recently. Of course this is all dependent on where my job status is at that point but I have always dreamed of going to LA and I think that it would be a great opportunity to go.

This weekend will mark my 5th month in Wilmington. I can't believe that it's been that long. I have had a roller coaster of a ride here and I honestly don't regret anything that has happened. I am a totally different person than I was back in June before moving here. I have learned a lot about myself, about others, and about how to handle those things you can never predict and move past the hard times and make the best out of a bad situation. I've made friends, and lost friends since I arrived here, I've gained and lost interest in many things, I've learned and lived. My priorities have shifted and my dreams grown stronger. My writing has changed with my changes and I am seeing things through perspectives I would have never thought of before. Even if everything doesn't work out like I dreamed it would I will always look back and think that this was the greatest thing I have ever done for myself.

This is long and rambling and probably doesn't make since but I've missed writing on here. I have been channeling the thoughts that I used to post here into my writings more lately and have been more guarded at what I share with the world but I'm ready to share again. This blog is therapeutic to me and though I don't see why anyone would want to read it those of you who do I thank you because without the support of friends like you I would struggle with the strength to forge on somedays. Thank you all.

Random Thoughts

I have finally decided what I am. I'm an eternal tween trapped in a 24 year olds body. I'm not afraid to admit that I watch the Disney Channel; love Demi, Selena, Taylor and even Miley's music and acting; I love everything Disney; I watch ABC Family, CW, Disney anything that is light and fun; my favorite things are classified for younger kids. But I don't think I'm alone in this. I think there is a fair margin of late teens, early to mid twenties, even some 30 year olds that enjoy the same things. Does that make me immature, uncool, or anything else, no. I like to be entertained, I like to laugh and be light hearted. My life has enough drama and complication without adding on to it with the TV and movies I watch. I love the Twilight series, books and movies. I have read the Harry Potter books multiple times and seen the movies even more. I love watching things that I don't have to think to enjoy, it's simple, fun and entertaining. I like to smile, laugh, dance, singalong. That is just me.

I say all of this and there are some darker, more mature, complicated things that I like. Heroes, True Blood, Desperate Housewives, Grey's Anatomy, Criminal Minds, etc. but at the end of the day They just aren't as entertaining to me. I like watching the girl get the guy, the drama that comes in the middle, the best friend who gets drug along for the ride no matter what happens, everything that comes from these shows. I'm not the artsy, complicated, deeper meaning kind of person. I've watched some of those films and got lost or bored early on. And that's what I'm going to write. I've tried to write darker pieces and they were in darker times of my life but I just can't stay in that state. Things I write are personal parts of me and it takes a lot of me to write them out. My heart and soul are on those pages and my heart and soul are young and romantic. That's what I write. My scripts fit perfectly with the Disney Channel and Nickelodeon teen stars of today. I'm not going to abandon that anytime soon.

New blog

I'm starting a small review blog for my own writing practice and your enjoyment. Check it out at http://reviewsbykc.blogspot.com.

It is literally just past 11 pm here in Wilmington and I am already in bed. Not because I have to wake up early to go to work or because I have a long day tomorrow. No because lately this is what I do. Now I probably will not be asleep before 12 or 1 but I am still in bed. In bed when I know that Bibis is just taking the stage down at the Whiskey or groups are gathering to prep themselves for a night out on the town. A time when younger kids are fast asleep and a "dedicated" student is still pondering starting that 3 page paper that is due at 8 am. I am here alone with my thought and my computer and I am ok with that.

I finally feel settled in Wilmington, not that I have any stability in my life to settle me but this city has become my home. A home that is similar to the one I left behind but with a lot less history and heartache. A place where I can be who I want to be, a place of my own.

It would be nice to have people to share this place with. Family and friends to have treasured memories shared in different locales on different occasions. Not that I don't have any but I feel like you always want more because you never know what might just be better than what you currently have. But in the end I am a solitary person. Whether by choice or actions or mere circumstance I am alone most of the time. This is not a bad thing. I like being independent, relying on myself and not having to worry about the pressures of being enough for somebody else. Because that is my problem. I never feel like I am enough. I'm never doing enough or saying enough, or as a person I am not enough. You could say that I lack in self confidence and when it comes to certain situations this is true. When it comes to my work and my dreams I am not. I know that I am good at what I do and that shows in my work. My family, my career, my chosen path in life, I have never lacked in self confidence about or around. But when it comes to friends, meeting new people, meeting guys I have always had a problem.

Growing up I had a normal childhood, normal except for the fact that I was incredibly shy. I would get sick at the idea of having to speak in front of the class. Meeting new people sent waves through my stomach. Then I found sports and in elementary school they changed it all. It was easy to connect with the girls I played with. Basketball games and practices would lead to sleepovers and friendships at school. But not with everyone. There was always that group, you know the group. The group that knew they were better than everyone one else. The group that everyone strived to fit in with. I always wanted to fit in with that group but I never did. When we got to Junior High I was good enough to make the school basketball team. I was so happy. I was finally in with that group of girls. But I wasn't. I was the outsider even on the team. That was when I started my habit of giving everything I had to others. I gave up myself for them. I completely lost who I was. I did things I would have never done, which is normal but not for me. I lost who I was in those two years. The problem was is that those years are when you develop the most. By the time I hit high school and could no longer play I was a lost soul searching for a place.

I found it. During my time in Junior High I had gone back and forth between the sports jocks and the band geeks. Two groups that did not mix well and that put a strain on me. In high school I decided to take on band as the thing that I would do. Now I would like to say that my high school had it's fair share of cliques and they did tend to stick to their own but we also all knew each other. Most of us had grown up with each other and had added on to groups as we went through the schools. There were no divided tables at lunch, there were plenty of people who did multiple things and had friends in multiple groups but we did have our divides like everyone else. The jocks and the bandies were the two biggest groups. I fit in for the first time in my life, and not to brag but I was popular. I had more friends than I could ever dream of. We all knew each other, hung around with each other, and we were almost a big family.

The three years I spent in that band were great. Then something happened that changed my world. That family that I formed separated and divided. I lost my best friend over a guy and never recovered. I got lost in the sea of college and drowned quickly. I was back in the time when I didn't know where I belonged. I have transitioned in and out of that state for the last 6 years. I have had periods where I was surrounded by friends and periods where it has been just me. I don't rely on others to make me happy, I don't need constant companionship to feel fulfilled. In fact most days I would rather do things on my own anyway. Life is so much less complicated when all you have to worry about is yourself. Now the loneliness does set in and I do need people in my life and I have a very strong core of people around the country to provide that.

The whole point of this blog is that tonight while watching Hannah Montana, yes I watch the Disney Channel it's rather calming actually, they said a quote that stuck with me "Sometimes friends come into your life for a reason and sometimes for a season." I love this because I know that just because I am not friends with everyone I have ever been friends with and just because I am not surrounded by them right now doesn't mean that they didn't have a purpose in my life and that if they did come into my life for a reason that they won't reappear someday.

I went and saw the movie All About Steve tonight and Sandra Bullock gave another knock out performance. In the movie her character is not the coolest, hippest person in the world but she finds her place to be exactly who she is. I know we will all find that someday and I will find mine again soon but the reminder it gave me of not changing who you are and to stick up for yourself and what you like and believe was much needed. I am who I am. I like what I like, just because I lose that or lose myself doesn't mean that I change because I will always come back to me and who I am. Besides I am my own best companion when it comes down to it. I will never let me down.

It's one my favorite time of year. That magical time of year when TV shows stop their needless reruns and return to new episodes. The time of year where Saturdays are spent in front of the TV watching college football. The time of year where the trees turn colors and the temperature dips to that pleasant point to where you can wear jeans and a light jacket out of your house. The time of year where my creativity shines like never before.

I have been taking a retreat from the day to day world that surrounds me here in Wilmington and have trapped myself in my apartment on a much needed soul searching mission. During this mission I have watched classic movies such as Casablanca and Singing in the Rain. I have caught up with TV shows like Heroes and The Office. I have reorganized and cleaned every square inch of my small apartment probably twice. And most of all I've wrote. Wrote random thoughts, random ideas, started a couple short stories, edited a couple screenplays but mostly got everything that has been bouncing around my head out onto "paper." I say "paper" because it is all saved into my computer but I like the term paper better. I have figured out what I like about TV shows and movies and what styles I would love to integrate into my own and what styles I would love to bring back. I took my brain from one extreme to another, experienced new things with watching True Blood for the first time and most of all I rested. I rested my mind, my body and my soul. It was the best vacation ever because I had no expectations, no one to please but myself.

As a new month is approaching so is a new outlook on life for me. I have expected things to come to me. For everything to fall into place. And for the most part a bunch of it has. But I'm done letting life go on around me. I'm taking this bull by the horns and riding it to where ever. A new plan of action has been devised with the help of friends and family and I am working my way through 3 pages worth of To-Do Lists to put this plan into action. September is going to be a really good month for me. Big changes and big things will be happing around me and I can't wait to share them all with you.

I read a review in the Hollywood Reporter today (well it was from back on the 20th but with snail mail I just received it Friday) about the new movie Post Grad. It wasn't the worst review I've ever read but it wasn't one with lots of praise for the movie either. After finishing the article I tore out the page and put it on my fridge because this was the kind of review that I wouldn't want for my first film. The screenplay was by a first time writer and the review of the writing alone was enough to make me want to have 5 more people read my screenplay before I ever think of doing anything with it. From now on I'm going to be reading these reviews very carefully and pulling out these reviews that I don't want to have and good ones of movies that I can learn from.

With the prospects of potential work coming and several wonderful vacations planned, some of them I will be taking some of them will be taken to come see me, I'm very much looking forward to the fall. Good TV, good sports, good weather, good family, good friends, and I'm thankful for them all. Life is good right now and I hope it only gets better from here.

Fight On

What doesn't kill you makes you stinger. What hurts you can motivate and inspire you. A simple sunset over the water can clear your head. While a sunrise can envigerate your soul. As I sit here on the dock by the river looking at the goreguous orange, purple and pink sunset I am conflicted and confused. If you didn't already know I moved recently. It has been one of the scariest, weirdest, drive testing, happiest, craziest, mental unstablest times I have ever faced. I moved to a city 2000 miles from home knowing no one and having only a few encounters with the city. I have made new friends and hurt a few good ones along the way but overall it has been a journey of growth and renewal. Renewal from the life I had been living at home. Renewal from the trials and tribulations I was facing there. A chance to start over, to branch out, to reach for the stars without a safety net. I came in expecting to conquer the world in no time getting everything that I ever dreamed off immediately. What I quickly learned is that this road was an uphill climb full of steep parts and some leveling out slightly but it would be something that I would have to fight for everyday. It has had it's fun day as well as it's down right depressing days. I have gone with very few breakdowns and only a really bad week or two but I have had to fight for it all the way. I didn't take the easy way in choosing this road I'm on. There is nothing easy about the dreams I dream. You have to fight and fight to get where you want to go. Just like a fish fights to get up the stream that is forcing it the other way I must force my way into this industry. As the sun sinks lower and I look at my surrounds and overwheming sense of piece is over me. Not because I have all that I could wish for, because I am far from it. But because I know just as the sun will rise and set over this river tomorrow I will make my way through this journey. I might not always do the right thing or be the best person I can be but I will try my best because that is all that I can do. The early settlers of this city faced their own challenges far beyond anything I could ever imagine. And yet I am sitting here on the very river they sailed upon all of the years later with my new technology and all the possibilties in the world and I know that I will make it. I will not give up, take no for an answer, let others get me down, no I will face all my critics and synics and do what I was sent here to do. God has a plan for me and even though I might always understand or agree with it's twists and turns I will fight on. Tomorrow is a new day and today is only what I make of it.

[Posted from my iPhone. ]

It's Been Awhile

So I realized it's been a long time since I did a quality update on my life. Well so much has happened and gone on that I can't really remember it to write it all out so I will just update you on my weekend and tell you about some exciting things coming up tomorrow.

This weekend I took a little trip down to Savannah, GA. I wish I could say it was for a nice relaxing weekend getaway but it was for work. Which is exciting because it's been a while since I've had work to do. Before I can talk about the weekend I must fill you in on a little of the back story. Lindsay, my best friend, works in Disney World at the Contemporary hotel. One day while she was working at the front desk she met a man who is a producer out in LA. They started talking about some projects that he had going and he stated that he was looking for an editor. Being my constant promoter she mentioned me and hyped me up. After exchanging a couple of e-mails he looked at some of the work I had completed and must have liked what he saw because he wanted me to do an entire test project. In short it was a short film shoot in Savannah showcasing the area for another producer that he knew who was looking in the area. So I set out for Savannah Friday morning to run my very first film shoot, granted it wasn't that big of a shoot, just me and Lindsay, my camera, a tripod, and a small script that got thrown out the window immediately.

Friday was spent going around the area looking at locations and areas that I wanted to film and finalizing the concept for the video. Considering the only direction I was given for the project was shoot Savannah, have fun doing it and make it between 10 minutes and 2 hours long I had no idea what I was going to do for sure. After a delicious dinner at Her Lady and Sons (Paula Dean's local restaurant for those who don't know) and a small strategy session at dinner we went back to the hotel and prepared for a long day of filming on Saturday. A cloudy sky kept the temperature bearable as we ran around Savannah capturing scene after scene. Finally after visiting Wormsloe Historical Site, the rain set in a filming was wrapped for the day. Another dinner at One Eyed Lizzie's and figuring out what was left to be completed yet again went back to the hotel to rest and prepare.

This morning we were greeted with clear skies and perfect weather (that I was hoping for Saturday) which made for a hot day of filming but the shoots we got are beautiful. After a couple hours and a couple last scenes we finished shooting. Now I know this little test shoot might not be exciting to most people but this is the first time that I am doing a project for someone else to see specifically. Most of the other projects I have ever done have been for fun and never seen by anyone so for my first project I was very excited/very nervous. I feel like I have a concept (that I will share after I have completed it) that showcases everything from my directing, camera, producing, editing, and overall skills. I have to combined the 114 scenes we filmed into the final project by Friday.

Tomorrow will be mostly out due to a last minute call to extra in the morning at 7:15 and a job interview (yes I said JOB INTERVIEW) at noon. I'm very excited about this interview because it is with Right Point Media, a local production company that does commercials, TV shows as well as other local projects for a PA position. I sent them my resume a while back thinking that it couldn't hurt to try but I probably didn't have enough experience to warrant anything. The fact that they called for an interview shocked me and I have never been more excited and nervous for an interview. Crossing fingers and toes for this one to work out.

Creatively I have never felt better. I can't wait to share this little movie with you all after it is completed. I hope you will enjoy it.

Songs I Forgot About.

Cruising through my iTunes tonight I found an old Savage Garden CD. I forgot how good their music was/is. I used to live by the song Affirmation. The lyrics spoke to me and for some reason today they did again. I miss my home. I miss my family and friends. I miss going to baseball games and watching fireworks. I miss eating at Abuelos. I miss working at KHOG. I miss it all. I love being here, I love this adventure and everything that has happened since I got here but I just miss home. I'm sorry to anyone I have taken it out on in the last week or so but I haven't known how to process these or any other feelings that I have had. The perfect storm of emotional breakdowns has hit and I don't know how to deal with them when they happen. Luckily I am breaking out of it slowly but surely.

I believe the sun should never set upon an argument
I believe we place our happiness in other people's hands
I believe that junk food tastes so good because it's bad for you
I believe your parents did the best job they knew how to do
I believe that beauty magazines promote low self esteem
I believe I'm loved when I'm completely by myself alone

I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love 'til you've been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye

I believe you can't control or choose your sexuality
I believe that trust is more important than monogamy
I believe your most attractive features are your heart and soul
I believe that family is worth more than money or gold
I believe the struggle for financial freedom is unfair
I believe the only ones who disagree are millionaires

I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love 'til you've been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye

I believe forgiveness is the key to your own happiness
I believe that wedded bliss negates the need to be undressed
I believe that God does not endorse tv evangelists
I believe in love surviving death into eternity

I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love 'til you've been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye
Until you say goodbye
Oh no no no no no

Movie Roles

After watching a lot of movies this weekend I started to think, these smaller roles that every actor takes in the beginning of their career. Those cheesy, corny, non-Oscar winning roles, do they regret them later on in their careers or do they simply look back on them with a fondness of where they came from? Just a little something for you to ponder the night time you watch a movie.

[Posted from my iPhone. ]

My Weekend

Movies I Watched This Weekend:

Alex and Emma

The Perfect Man

From Justin to Kelly

Garden State

The Good Girl

Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood

America's Sweetheart

A Walk to Remember

Saved

What a Girl Wants

The List

Summer Catch

Sister Act

13 movies so far since Friday night. Someone please rescue me from my apartment. Just kidding. I have gotten a lot of inspiration and ideas from all of these movies and have been very entertained.

Geeking Out for the Weekend

I have been a slight loser over the past couple days. Except for escaping for a job interview yesterday and a little bit of Bibis's show tonight I haven't really left my apartment over the last couple days. I have been holed up in my one bedroom oasis watching movie that I have long since forgot about or haven't ever seen and remembering what it is about film that started this whole passion of mine in the first place. It started out innocently enough. After watch the trailer for The List online a couple weeks ago I decided to treat myself and rent the movie on iTunes. After uploading it to my iPod and plugging it into my TV I settled in to view what Wilmington has to offer on film. This was the first movie that I had ever watched knowing exactly where it was filmed and had seen and been to the areas where it was filmed. I have to admit it was strange seeing some of the same landmarks that I drive past almost daily but the story kept me interested in other things. It was a really good movie. I have always been a big nerd when it comes to the Civil War, going to reenactments, learning as much as possible about it, randomly going to old battlefields for the heck of it. It was interesting to see a story that had such a southern basis to it. While I was watching it I decided that I should watch as many movies that were made in Wilmington as possible, just to see what has come out of this place. Granted I had seen a lot of them and owned more of them than I realized but it was good to revisit them.

Next came the Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood. This is a movie that I had no idea was filmed in Wilmington until I started my research into the area. Such an amazing movie and one that gets a tear from me every time. After falling asleep half way through because I started the movie at about 3 am I finished the end the next morning. Still as powerful as I remember. It was one of those that while I worked at the movie theater I saw very often, from sneaking in on breaks and non-breaks to going on my days off I watched the movie several times. After now knowing that it was filmed around here I am impressed that they turned North Carolina into Louisiana, some of that movie magic that I love so much.

After I finished Ya-Ya Sisterhood I moved on to the original movie that started my passion in film, A Walk to Remember. Had you told me when I walked into that theater all those years ago that this movie would be the inspiration for my life I would probably have laughed at you. Especially if you had told me I would move to the place it was filmed in years later. It's almost like destiny slowly pushed me towards Wilmington and the life I am leading now. This movie was the first that touched me on more than just the story level. The scenery, the actors, the music, the story line, the whole package of the movie sparked something inside me that I can not explain to this day. I know it's not your most conventional movie to say started it all but I'm not normal so I'm ok with it. This movie was the first I saw before I started working for the movie theater. It was the one that prompted me to take my own shot at writing. I honestly never knew exactly where they filmed it, I just knew it was some where in North Carolina. I always had that thought in the back of my mind when I wanted to make my own movie. This was the prettiest place I had seen on film in a long time and I wanted to make it apart of my movie. Hence why my first draft, and newest draft of my movie are set in North Carolina. It wouldn't be until 8 years later (wow I can't believe it's been 8 years) that I would find out that it was filmed in Wilmington (to be honest I didn't know that it was filmed here until I got here and someone mentioned it, you can tell how good my research skills are). I haven't watched the movie in years because of a combination of factors but it was really good to watch it again. I cried like a baby in the end like always and really took in all of the scenes that came across. It wasn't just the movie it was everything about it.

After A Walk to Remember I popped in Summer Catch. Yet again another movie that I had no idea was filmed in Wilmington. Lets face it until I decided to go through with this radical dream I didn't really know much about Wilmington's film industry just that they filmed Dawson's Creek and One Tree Hill here, I have since learned my lesson on lack of research and found that this area has been and will be a great area for production. This movie was my comfort when things got hard in the relationship department. Why I don't really know but it combined several of my favorite things at the time (some of which are still true) 1) guys in baseball uniforms, 2) Freddie Prinze Jr. 3) a good sappy love story 4) baseball/sports theme and 5) guys in baseball uniforms. I still love this movie and all of it's cheesiness. It was a nice to rewatch it and remember why I loved it in the first place.

After Summer Catch I got distracted from my original plan and watched random other movies. Since then I have watched The Good Girl, Garden State, Alex and Emma, What a Girl Wants, and Sister Act. All amazing movies that I had stored away and kind of forgotten about. Next on my trek through my 200+ DVD's is America's Sweetheart. I love having movie weekends even tho I feel like a loner and shut in it's nice to revisit movies and remembering exactly what it is about movies that inspires me and that I want to achieve. I will never view movies the same, I look at random none important things that most people wouldn't see or I see the way they framed a particular shot and think I how much I would to do something like that with my movie. I'm a film geek now and always will be and I am glad I am.

What do you do?

What do you do when you can see what you want to be doing and can’t do it? Not because you are physically unable to but because you just aren’t able to. I want to make films, movies, and entertainment but right now I can’t. I look out my window and see the beauty of the world. I walk down the street and want to photograph, film, and document the happenings on it. I could sit and observe and document for hours and never get tired of it. Something about this area screams “PUT ME ON FILM. SHOW ME TO THE WORLD.” I walk down front street and it has a history, a story to tell, and not only is this story amazing but it has the potential to be the silent co-star to an amazing story. The sites, sounds, people all connect in a way that I have never experienced before. For this reason I never just want to sit in my apartment, I want to be out experiencing, allowing the city to inspire me, influence me, change me. I look at the world differently now. I see a building and I wonder what this light on that corner with this angle will do to the scenery of it. I wonder how much more dramatic this scene that I play over and over in my head from my script will look at this spot. I think oh the possibilities are endless if I set the camera right here and just let someone improv with the world around them. I see it all. I observe many. I walk and the inspiration hits me at such a speed that I don’t remember have of what I came up with when I sit down to write it out. I get out and do things and I want to share them with the world because the people and the places and events are worth sharing. It’s all worth sharing. My life is not exciting. I don’t do exciting things. I live, I breathe, I walk, and I talk just like everyone else but the lives I observe here are exciting, they are worth talking about. The movie that is my baby has even changed from this move. I have seen locations that I see my characters in. I see them living and breathing in the areas around me. Now more than ever I want to see this movie made. Whether I make it myself or I am brave enough to pass my script on to another to make it this is where the story is meant to be made. These are the places my characters live. It took a move across the country for me to really see my characters to really observe them in the world around me. And not just them, all kinds of other characters creep out of the dark shadows of my mind and into the world around me. I think I was always meant to be in Wilmington. I was destined to arrive and create here. I don’t know the avenue at which it will happen but I know that I have stories to tell, to document, to write and now that I am here I am able to do that.

So what do you do when you can see what you want to be doing and can’t do it? You don’t settle for can’t. You go out and make it happen. That’s what I’m going to do. If I have to spend the rest of my life working 3 jobs, waiting tables, cleaning up after people, or whatever it takes I will do it. If I never make any money on a film or even ever get a paying job on a film. If I only make movies and write stories that I show to my family and friends. I’m going to do it. I will be a champion for this region and all it has to offer. I’m going to go out and document this world that I am now living in. I’m going to tell my stories and make my movies even if I have to do without in the process. I don’t need the finer things in life (even though I do enjoy them), I don’t need the latest car or the biggest house. I just need to know that everyday when I wake up I have done something creative that I have strived to do the best that I can. This is the life that I have chosen and I’m going to make the most of it for myself. Tomorrow I start filming, tomorrow I sit down and write for real, tomorrow I get back to the job hunting like I’ve been doing for a month now. But for tonight I plan, I think and I create lists because that is who I am.

Inspiration

I talk a lot about inspiration and the random inspiration I get fairly often but I wanted to touch on it again because well lets face it, I've been hit with another wave of inspiration recently. As you know I recently moved and with this move have meet new people and done and experienced new things. Because of this I have found new inspirations that I wasn't expecting.

I recently read in a book this “Inspiration is not a moment in which you discover something new. Rather it’s a moment when you rediscover something of yourself. Of your own dreaming, energy, and faith. Of your own love, humor, and strength. When inspiration comes in the form of a film, painting, or song, the experience reflects back something that’s already in you.” I have always had the desire to make films, to write, to create but the moments when I rediscover it in myself are so precious. Inspiration abounds in Wilmington for me. From walking downtown and by the river, to driving down to the beach and just reflecting staring at the water, to hearing the powerful voice of Bibis every Tuesday (and sometimes if I'm lucky other nights) of the week, to seeing other people following their dreams of creating and witnessing it for the first time in person. Everything about this place inspires me. Now I might not always be motivated to write, or film but that is a whole other battle with laziness, job hunting and other prior commitments. But I am always thinking here. Not of my problems or dramas but how would this location look with this lighting, or these two people who are so clearly in love would make a wonderful story. I'm observing and taking in more than I ever have. From the way a bird flies over my head to the annoying frog that resurfaces every night just to scare me at the bottom of my stairs. I am a sponge absorbing everything for the first time.

Now I don't know if it's because I'm in a new place or because this dream and this passion of mine as been able to be unleashed and tapped into but I love this new outlook I have. I want to film everything. I want to tell every story. I wish I had the ability to just document every little none exciting thing to share to the world. I want to make movies, I want to write out stories, I want to film and act and produce. I want to do it all and I never have wanted it more than I do now. I want to make the movie that has been my baby for 5 years now. I want to go out set up a camera and shoot. That is all I want to do, create, be apart of this film community that is just that a community. You can sense it every where you go. The arts are alive in Wilmington and I want to be apart of that.

As much as I miss home and my family I know this is where I was meant to be. I feel it with every ounce of my body. It's not home because no where will ever replace home but it is as close as you can get. The friends I have made, the new friends I have yet to make, the things I have experienced and the vast amount that I haven't have all made this the easiest transition I have had to a new place and I think it's because for the first time in my life I can be 100% myself. I can be the artsy, athletic, dorky, imaginative, sometimes social, sometimes isolated, theater junky, T-shirt and jeans wearing, childish, mature, sensitive, smart ass person that I am inside. There is no trying to impress anyone, no trying to fit in with any group, just me making it as I am with no apologies for it.

I made this little montage tonight after a wave of inspiration hit me again. Hope you enjoy it.

Favorite Promos

I have been watching reruns of Beverly Hills 90210 and The OC on SOAPnet because I didn't have the channel at home and these commercials come on all the time. I love them because they combine music that I love with shows that I love.

Time Flies When Your Having Fun

Well we have already reached the month of July. Where has this year gone?

3 weeks ago tomorrow I moved into my little 1 bedroom apartment in Wilmington, NC. What a 3 weeks it has been. When I was preparing myself to move I don't think I ever would have guessed that I would be as happy and settled as I am. It's a weird feeling to feel completely at home in a new place even after such a short amount of time.

Some of the settling came from my parents pimping out my apartment. Some from the week of amazingness with the 7 other crazy girls. Some from getting out and exploring. But mostly because this is where I'm supposed to be. I know deep down that I was meant to move here and that I made the right choice no matter how hard it might be.

I don't have a job, I don't have a source of income other than my parents, but I have all the confidence in the world that all of this will work out exactly how it is supposed to. I will find a job, in one field or another, I will continue to meet people and expand my network of friends, and I will find success in this town. It's all just a matter of time.

This town has also been amazing for my creative side. I have never been more inspired and ready to write, film and create. I can't stop thinking of new ideas, or seeing how a shot would look in a specific area. This town has a creative energy that seeps from every area and every person. I can see why it has been such a center for entertainment for so long. Its a community that understands and appreciates the arts and everything that comes with that. Just walking downtown by the river or down the beach I get a energy that it took weeks to build up at home. I will find so many more stories inside me and so many things to share from this place, I know.

As easily as I have adjust and as amazing as everything has been I know that hard times are going to happen and I will hit some low points but I am willing to face it all and see where this crazy adventure is going to take me.

I Feel Like I'm In Church

This is for Lauren, who you can hear in the background talking right as the song starts.

There are no words, just wonderful memories.

If you had told me in January that by logging on to blogger and following Southern Gothic Productions that I would meet some of the greatest people and make some of the best friends I have ever had, I would have called you crazy. But that is exactly what happened this week in Wilmington, NC. I had the opportunity to hang out with 7 of the funniest, craziest and best people I have meet in as long as I can remember. Megan, Andrea, Becca, Lauren, Liz, Jaclyne, and Dani are people you rarely meet and the best part of it is that we all genuinely got a long. The stars alined and I was fortunate enough to be here in Wilmington when this lovely group came through. I could never have guessed that my integration into this fine city would have had a better start.

Tuesday was a day of highs and lows. My parents left town and I was finally on my own. The sadness of this sunk in quickly and I was left alone in my apartment for the first time. Later that evening I finally made it back out of that apartment and made my way downtown to meet up with them to go to see Bibis at the Whiskey. Driving down I didn't know what to expect, would we all get along, would it be awkward, would I be the intruder interrupting their trip. As I park and walk up to Port City Java thoughts of turning around and not going in keep passing through my head but I kept telling myself that after having meet Jaclyne and Liz the night before and everything being ok with that I could handle this as well. Walking in I knew the small group at the back was Kendall, Lauren, and Kendall's two friend immediately by the skeptical looks on their faces as I walk in the door. After quick introductions we walked up to Level 4 and meet the rest of the group. All of my fears and all of the potential awkwardness I had worried about quickly vanished and I felt a comfort with these people. Dinner at Paddy's Hollow only relaxed me more (especially after Megan stabbed Andrea with a knife after Andrea popped her on the head, no better ice breaker than violence). After some fun with a random bottle of chocolate syrup and a little bit of alcohol flowing we reached The Whiskey. I felt like I had known these people for so long and the friendships began to form. Alcohol may have soften some of the anxiety but the deeper feelings were true. These were my friends around me and I wouldn't have traded that night for anything.

Wednesday we meet up again and it was like we had known each other for so long. Retelling stories from the night before, looking at pictures and videos, giving each other crap for funny things we had done. After lunch at the Reel Cafe and getting to see the amazing rooftop bar we went out to the beach and took tons of pictures and watched Andrea fall chasing a seagull on my prompting. Momma Andrea made us a delicious dinner of Spaghetti and salad and we hung around the condo for a while playing beer pong and other random drinking games. The best moment of the evening came from playing Kings around the table and Becca joining in with her glass of water. Man I love that girl for having the guts to stick to what she believes and not succumb to the peer pressure around her. After a while we went down to The Copper Penny and Reel Cafe. We were still feeling the effects from the night before so we called it a night "early" and headed back to the condo. While at the bar I realized something. This was nothing like I had expected it to be. We all got along, we all talked and laughed together. It didn't matter who I was talking to or what we were talking about we were all getting along. You could look across the table and see the emotions in each of them and it was an amazing thing to be apart of. 

Thursday we went on a set tour with KT and piled 5 people in Liz's car to get there. After trying to break Lauren's leg we switched and put Lauren on top of everyone in the backs legs. Not the safest way to ride but it provided lots of laughter. After touring the sets with KT we went back out to the beach and the pier for more pictures and fun. After seeing a girl catch a shark and Becca filming it spinning around and around on the pier we went back into town and got ready for dinner at Caffe Phoenix. Dinner that night was something that I will forever be thankful that I was able to be apart of. I got to see first hand the effect the messages sent in from around the world had on KT and how much the box meant to him and will mean to the company. Jaclyne did an amazing job putting the items together and making the box to hold them all. So many amazing things held in one package. After that dinner we were going to take it easy that night and only hang around and make the Facts of Life intro remake. I got to try my hand at directing along with Lauren and I might have a new producing partner out of it. (K&L productions?) The video itself is amazing but the out takes and random conversations during the making of it are even more funny. After getting an idea for another video (that will get made soon) we needed to go to Wal-mart to get some supplies. While at Wal-mart we got word that OTH was filming on the beach and decided to go check it out seeing that we were still up anyway. This was a really cool thing for me personally because I had always wanted to see it in person. I didn't care about what was going on for the camera because I kept looking at what was going on around it. I knew that I was on the path at that moment seeing in action everything that I want to do. After everyone was extremely tired we went back to the condo and slept. 

Friday was a mixture of emotions all day I had the dread of Saturday and everyone leaving but I also had the feeling of enjoying every last minute with these people. A day of sightseeing everything we should have done during the rest of the week. Airlie Gardens was beautiful and Becca and I finally got to see the site we had been talking about for weeks. After that we went to the Bellamy Manison and toured the house. Both sites were amazing in their own ways. After the sightseeing we finally made it to the beach and went in the ocean. We also took pictures as a group in our SGP shirts and made a hilarious video of all of us (ok some of us) running into the ocean. Andrea feel and I had issues running but that made the video even better than we could have imagined. After swimming for a while and burying Andrea in the sand we went to dinner and came back to get ready for our last night out. Before going out we attempted to shoot a video blog about our trip. The stories are jumbled and it is a little hard to follow but it sums up the entire trip in one laugh filled video. My favorite part of the whole thing is at the end and it is a quote from Dani "I think I'm the only sane person here." That single sentence summed up the entire week. Luckily after that we didn't have to go far to go out. Just up to the next floor of the building. Level 5 was an amazing rooftop bar and we all were able to hang out and dance together.  After closing down the bar and going to get pizza down the street the few of us that were still awake all piled into the same small room with several of us in the same small futon. But that just shows how close we all got in a short amount of time. 

Saturday was a sad sad day. After waking up and helping to clean up the apartment we said our goodbyes to Becca and Dani who had to drive back to Meansville. Then it was Megan and Jaclyne's turn at the airport. Seeing that they were both traveling to the same cities they figured out a way for them to travel together and we went back to pick them up and get a little bit more time together. After a second and much dreaded goodbye to them we were down to three. Andrea, Lauren and I tried to waste the time before she had to be at the airport and distract ourselves from the sadness we felt. After finally having to take her to the airport and saying the final goodbye of the trip it was down to Lauren and me. I am thankful that I got to spend this week with Lauren because I know I have a friend in town and someone to help fill the silence that was left after the group all left. I never expected to feel the way I did yesterday. I was extremely sad to see each person go. 

It has been a little over 24 hours now since I said my last goodbye to this group of girls and Lauren and I are left in town to hold down the fort but I will miss the girls and the fun and laughter they brought this week. I will see them all again, some sooner than others and I will talk to them as often as possible but nothing will replace the feelings I had this week and the memories that will forever be with me. I have said since the beginning that there was a community around Southern Gothic Productions, that I would follow them as long as possible because of everything that they had done for me but I could never say thank you enough to them for bringing me such an amazing group of friends. They were the platform that allowed all of us to meet and interact and it might not be the most conventual way to meet but I am so glad that we did. Words will never be enough to tell about this week and I don't think any of us could ever truly convey everything that happened or sum up the total of our feelings. I moved to a new city and made more friends than I thought were possible. Yes they all might not live here (yet) and I will miss them greatly but they have helped me so much in a short amount of time to adjust to this city and my new life and I can never thank them enough for that. These will forever be my friends and I will forever have their backs.