What do you do?

What do you do when you can see what you want to be doing and can’t do it? Not because you are physically unable to but because you just aren’t able to. I want to make films, movies, and entertainment but right now I can’t. I look out my window and see the beauty of the world. I walk down the street and want to photograph, film, and document the happenings on it. I could sit and observe and document for hours and never get tired of it. Something about this area screams “PUT ME ON FILM. SHOW ME TO THE WORLD.” I walk down front street and it has a history, a story to tell, and not only is this story amazing but it has the potential to be the silent co-star to an amazing story. The sites, sounds, people all connect in a way that I have never experienced before. For this reason I never just want to sit in my apartment, I want to be out experiencing, allowing the city to inspire me, influence me, change me. I look at the world differently now. I see a building and I wonder what this light on that corner with this angle will do to the scenery of it. I wonder how much more dramatic this scene that I play over and over in my head from my script will look at this spot. I think oh the possibilities are endless if I set the camera right here and just let someone improv with the world around them. I see it all. I observe many. I walk and the inspiration hits me at such a speed that I don’t remember have of what I came up with when I sit down to write it out. I get out and do things and I want to share them with the world because the people and the places and events are worth sharing. It’s all worth sharing. My life is not exciting. I don’t do exciting things. I live, I breathe, I walk, and I talk just like everyone else but the lives I observe here are exciting, they are worth talking about. The movie that is my baby has even changed from this move. I have seen locations that I see my characters in. I see them living and breathing in the areas around me. Now more than ever I want to see this movie made. Whether I make it myself or I am brave enough to pass my script on to another to make it this is where the story is meant to be made. These are the places my characters live. It took a move across the country for me to really see my characters to really observe them in the world around me. And not just them, all kinds of other characters creep out of the dark shadows of my mind and into the world around me. I think I was always meant to be in Wilmington. I was destined to arrive and create here. I don’t know the avenue at which it will happen but I know that I have stories to tell, to document, to write and now that I am here I am able to do that.

So what do you do when you can see what you want to be doing and can’t do it? You don’t settle for can’t. You go out and make it happen. That’s what I’m going to do. If I have to spend the rest of my life working 3 jobs, waiting tables, cleaning up after people, or whatever it takes I will do it. If I never make any money on a film or even ever get a paying job on a film. If I only make movies and write stories that I show to my family and friends. I’m going to do it. I will be a champion for this region and all it has to offer. I’m going to go out and document this world that I am now living in. I’m going to tell my stories and make my movies even if I have to do without in the process. I don’t need the finer things in life (even though I do enjoy them), I don’t need the latest car or the biggest house. I just need to know that everyday when I wake up I have done something creative that I have strived to do the best that I can. This is the life that I have chosen and I’m going to make the most of it for myself. Tomorrow I start filming, tomorrow I sit down and write for real, tomorrow I get back to the job hunting like I’ve been doing for a month now. But for tonight I plan, I think and I create lists because that is who I am.