Someday. I keep telling myself someday.
Someday I'll start my own production company.
Someday I'll sell my stories and see them out in the world.
Someday I'll make movies and TV shows my own way.
Someday I'll be financially stable on my own.
Someday it will all work out and my dreams will come true.
The problem with someday is that it allows us to put off what we won't to another day and wait for something to come along. I'm done waiting, I'm done relying on other people, I'm done wanting to make everything happen without pushing towards it. I'm just done saying someday.
In the last week or so I have officially started my own company (as small as it may be).
I have started the process to sell me stories and ideas.
I am making my movies and TV shows my own way.
I'm not financially stable but come on I'm a starving artist.
I'm making it all work out and seeing my dreams come true.
Why should we have to wait for permission to achieve our goals and go for our dreams?
Why should I wait for the perfect opportunity to come along when I can create my own?
Why should I follow everyone else's path when I can create my own?
I've never been a follower, and I never will be. If I never succeed past making small things for little money at least I will be doing what I love.
The path I have chosen is not an easy one and this will not be without its hard times and pain but after having been here for almost a year and a half I'm confident enough in myself to make it happen.
I'm putting myself out there in the world like I have always dreamed I would someday. How else to legends get made?
Someday. I keep telling myself someday.
In the last couple weeks I have had several moments where I've thought, this can't really be happening. These are not bad moments but moments where slowly but surely my dreams that I have had for soooo long are coming together. It's an odd feeling when you decide to finally go after what you've dreamed of and slowly see it come to life in front of you.
I'm doing things I never thought possible with an amazing support system in a way that I couldn't have ever imagined and each little problem or step I take is a miracle. I just had one of those take your breathe away moments because I just sent this little dream rolling down the hill with no way to stop it. It's no longer just talk, it's real, it's going to happen and I am scared shitless.
I'm finally going to make my first movie. AHHHHH!!!!! That is all I care to share at this current moment. All you need to know is I am happy, overjoyed, stressed, scared, nervous, overwhelmed and so many other things all at the same time. I will be sharing more details as they come along but AHHHH it's actually going to happen!!!
Last night I went to my first ever film festival. I will be honest when I say I didn't know what to expect because I've heard from so many people different stories about festivals such as Sundance and South by Southwest but I didn't know what this festival would be like. I was really impressed. Granted this was the first night and there is much more to see and do but I loved it. Film makers and lovers alike all joining together to share the things they are passionate about. It was my heaven.
That Evening Sun was the first movie of the festival and I was so excited to see it. Back in August I had a chance meeting with Tony Reynolds who was an Associate Producer and had a role in the movie. He had told me about the movie back then but I didn't know when I would be able to see it. Thanks to Cucalorus that happened last night. For those who haven't heard of the movie That Evening Sun is based off of the short story "I Hate to See That Evening Sun Go Down" by William Gay, who thanks to SoGoPro has become one of my favorite authors. The movie follows the journey of an 80 year old man named Abner Meecham as he leaves the nursing home he was placed in and returns to his home and farm land. Upon his return home learns that his son has rented the farm and house with the intention to sell it to a tenant farmer Lonzo Choat who on the surface is nothing more than a drunk abuser who will never get his life together enough to run the farm.
The battle that follows between Abner and Lonzo is intense and sometimes humorous with the trading of one liners that could have poured out of my grandfathers mouth. Abners only friendships come from his neighbor Thurl Chessor, Lonzo's daughter Pamela Choat and a faithful companion Nibbler. The characters in this movie popped of the screen with such an authenticity that I felt like I new all of these characters and they were hanging around my family tree and in my memories from home.
Hal Holbrook, Ray McKinnon, Mia Wasikowska, Carrie Preston, Dixie Carter, Barry Corbin, Barlow Jacobs, and Tony Reynolds all did an amazing job in this movie. I'm really shocked that the movie hasn't been picked up for distribution yet but I'm sure it is just a matter of time.
Seeing this movie only made me more excited to see the rest of the movies I have tickets for this weekend and to see Provinces of Night, William Gays novel that was made into a movie starring such greats as Kris Kristofferson, Val Kilmer, Hillary Duff, Dwight Yoakam, Hilaire Burton and Barry Corbin. If it is anything like That Evening Sun I'm sure it will blow my mind away.
Well after almost 2 months I'm actually going to take the time to write some of the millions of thoughts that have been circling in my head for the last 2 months when I had time to actually sit down and think about them.
October was a crazy month. I felt like I spent more of it outside of Wilmington than I did in it. After starting the month hectic extraing and doing side projects I made a much needed trip home to see my family. I forgot how much I missed them and Arkansas until I was there. My family is the greatest support system a person could ask for. I will be grateful and spend the rest of my life trying to give back to them the support they have shown me with this crazy dream and move of mine. After several days of TONS (and I mean TONS) of food, a football game, seeing as many people as possible and some much needed time just talking to my parents I felt better than I ever have about where I'm going. That was until I got back and realized that I'm still "unemployed" and my plan has nothing set in stone which is difficult for me to deal with, but I'm learning to go with the flow and accept what life gives you as it comes.
The week that followed my weekend at home flew by filled with projects, writing, e-mailing, sending resumes, etc. It seemed like it was no time later and I was back in the air going to Orlando, FL to see my best friend Lindsay for a belated birthday celebration in Disney World. Now I've said it before but I forever be a little kid when it comes to Disney and I loved every second of the trip. Being back in a place that was home and still feels like home was great. Not to mention I got to spend a weekend without worrying about anything. I did do some soul searching and research on careers at Disney but other than that the outside world did not exist and it was amazing. Not to mention I got drunk at EPCOT, got to see Boyz II Men and got so much candy that I will be set until after the first of the year. Disney will always have a special place in my life and I'm working on going back very soon.
Since being back from Disney I have hit a couple rough patches, had a couple down days but I think those come to anyone who is struggling to attain a dream. Since then I have reaffirmed that my passion and my faith are going to get me where I need to be. I hope that it is here in Wilmington but I am starting to accept that I don't know for sure what is going to happen or when it is going to happen so my plans are officially in flux and will remain that way for a very long time.
This past weekend was my sisters birthday and I wished I could have been home with her and my family to celebrate but there will be plenty of that when I'm home for Thanksgiving in a couple weeks. However I did a surprise on her birthday, my parents had purchased tickets to see Garth Brooks in Las Vegas in February. Now I knew my dad had been talking about how he had wanted to go but I never thought that he would actually get the tickets and we would be going next year. This will be my first trip to Las Vegas and I'm so excited about it. We will be there for a weekend and I am already counting down the days and researching what sites I want to see while I'm there.
Considering I will be so close to the West Coast and LA I'm am contemplating an extension to the trip and hitting up LA to meet with a couple producers I have made contacts with recently. Of course this is all dependent on where my job status is at that point but I have always dreamed of going to LA and I think that it would be a great opportunity to go.
This weekend will mark my 5th month in Wilmington. I can't believe that it's been that long. I have had a roller coaster of a ride here and I honestly don't regret anything that has happened. I am a totally different person than I was back in June before moving here. I have learned a lot about myself, about others, and about how to handle those things you can never predict and move past the hard times and make the best out of a bad situation. I've made friends, and lost friends since I arrived here, I've gained and lost interest in many things, I've learned and lived. My priorities have shifted and my dreams grown stronger. My writing has changed with my changes and I am seeing things through perspectives I would have never thought of before. Even if everything doesn't work out like I dreamed it would I will always look back and think that this was the greatest thing I have ever done for myself.
This is long and rambling and probably doesn't make since but I've missed writing on here. I have been channeling the thoughts that I used to post here into my writings more lately and have been more guarded at what I share with the world but I'm ready to share again. This blog is therapeutic to me and though I don't see why anyone would want to read it those of you who do I thank you because without the support of friends like you I would struggle with the strength to forge on somedays. Thank you all.
I have finally decided what I am. I'm an eternal tween trapped in a 24 year olds body. I'm not afraid to admit that I watch the Disney Channel; love Demi, Selena, Taylor and even Miley's music and acting; I love everything Disney; I watch ABC Family, CW, Disney anything that is light and fun; my favorite things are classified for younger kids. But I don't think I'm alone in this. I think there is a fair margin of late teens, early to mid twenties, even some 30 year olds that enjoy the same things. Does that make me immature, uncool, or anything else, no. I like to be entertained, I like to laugh and be light hearted. My life has enough drama and complication without adding on to it with the TV and movies I watch. I love the Twilight series, books and movies. I have read the Harry Potter books multiple times and seen the movies even more. I love watching things that I don't have to think to enjoy, it's simple, fun and entertaining. I like to smile, laugh, dance, singalong. That is just me.
I say all of this and there are some darker, more mature, complicated things that I like. Heroes, True Blood, Desperate Housewives, Grey's Anatomy, Criminal Minds, etc. but at the end of the day They just aren't as entertaining to me. I like watching the girl get the guy, the drama that comes in the middle, the best friend who gets drug along for the ride no matter what happens, everything that comes from these shows. I'm not the artsy, complicated, deeper meaning kind of person. I've watched some of those films and got lost or bored early on. And that's what I'm going to write. I've tried to write darker pieces and they were in darker times of my life but I just can't stay in that state. Things I write are personal parts of me and it takes a lot of me to write them out. My heart and soul are on those pages and my heart and soul are young and romantic. That's what I write. My scripts fit perfectly with the Disney Channel and Nickelodeon teen stars of today. I'm not going to abandon that anytime soon.